Bittersweet

Less than one week until pinning, three more days of getting up and going to school, one more exam. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone by. All of the haters who were secretly waiting for me fail and all of the disbelievers who doubted me.. well guess what? I made it! So sorry to disappoint you.

Resolution has been achieved

I will be graduating with my maiden name. After hearing my "in a nutshell" life story, the woman in the registrar's office told me that she would make sure that it gets changed it on my diploma!

Never again

Just got my paper work in the mail, signed by the judge. As of March 28th I've been officially divorced.. two days before the one year of me living in my car.  I'm never getting married again. Yes, I'm jaded.

One last physical

At the beginning of this semester, my instructors briefly made mention that they encourage us to book personal observations while we are still students and still have that opportunity. I wouldn't have taken them seriously had I not marched in the office of the nursing chair and confessed how bored I was with everything and begged to do just one clinical day in the emergency room.  That's when she started putting ideas in my head. My first choice was, of course, to do a fly along on a chopper. Then I decided that I'll have plenty of time for that since it's what I want to do with my nursing career. I do have an underlying love for forensics. Before trauma came into my life, I used to want to be some sort of forensic nurse. I can work with that. So, I booked an autopsy and got to see FOUR cases! I'm pretty sure I have some sort of post traumatic something, but it was still cool as hell!

Chivalry is dead

Today's snow storm (of course it being the day the "last" day of winter) didn't stop me from making the trek to the court house to begin the process of moving forward with the divorce.  I took it a lot better than I thought I was going to.  The whole thing went relatively well.. until he pissed me off, on the way out of the building, when he let the door go and it almost hit me in the face.  And of course the Stacieism that fell out of my face this time was, "I guess chivalry is fucking dead."  Would those of you who know me, expect anything other than that?  I didn't think so.

Reassure me

Today is the last day of classes before spring break.  Only eight more weeks left of school.  I can't believe this journey is almost over!  I'm looking forward to the last weeks of med-surge.  I found out from the head of the nursing program that if I can arrange a medflight observation during the remainder of the semester, I can do that instead of going to clinical at the hospital for a day.  I also have the opportunity to shadow a nurse in ICU/CCU.  I have some good opportunities available and I hope that I'm able to take full advantage of them.  I'm bored and I want to do something in school that will reassure me of my plans for my future nursing career.  I'm excited and I can't wait to be done!!

It's time for letting go and moving on..

The falling apart of everything in my life is, slowly, coming to end. I'm feeling surprisingly confident and optimistic about the things to come.. including this year.  I'm finally rediscovering the person I once was and the happiness I once had.  I'm learning the beauty of letting go.  With the divorce process finally set into motion, I started to think about my last name.  Do I keep it or go back to my maiden name?  The whole identity change process is such a pain in the ass.  Ain't nobody got time for that.  However, I compromised who I am waay too many times in order to maintain the love and affection from another individual.  An individual who then kicked me out the door without any hesitation.
My last semester of nursing school also started this week.  This means I will graduate in just a few months.  I hit rock bottom during this journey but continued to work my ass off in order to achieve what I want.  I want to be proud of my college diploma.  Which is exactly why I have made a promise to myself to graduate with my maiden name.  I want to move on from this painful ending with a smile on my face and head held high.  I want my diploma to inspire and excite me about the future that I can and will have, rather than remind me of my painful past.