From Army to Airforce.

A few days ago, Tony sat down next to me and asked me if I trust him.  I was a little nervous as to which direction this conversation was about to go in.  I told him, "Of course I trust you."  He then asked me, "How would you feel about me re-enlisting and going active duty Airforce?"  I forget exactly what I told him after that, but I know I also told him that I will always support him in anything that he truly wants to do.
I've had time to think about it.  I play the question over and over again in my head.  "How do I feel about it??"  The truth is, I feel so many different things about it and it's been difficult for me to sort them all out and figure out why I am feeling all these mixed emotions about it.  So what better place, to do so, than here?
I feel happy.  He seems to really want this.  His face lit up as he talked to me about it.  I haven't seen that in a while and it warmed my heart to hear him talk so passionately about it.  If something in life makes my husband happy, I am going to be happy for him.
I feel excitement.  When I married Tony, he was in the National Guard.  I never had to move to another state or live on post.  I am thankful for that, however, who doesn't love to travel?  Who doesn't love to explore all that this beautiful country has to offer?  Sometimes, I feel like a new begining is exactly what we need.
I feel scared.  I am very comfortable where we are right now.  I have my family close by.  I have all my friends that I have grown up with.  I have my job that I've been at for almost nine years.  This is home for me.  I think about having to pack up and leave it all behind to go to a place that I am unfamiliar with.  A place where I don't know anyone and don't know who to trust or who not to trust.  A place where I have no support system.  It scares me.
Most importantly, I know that no matter how I feel about all this.. I can't tell him, "No."  When I told Tony that my ultimate goal is to someday be a medflight nurse, he told me that he didn't think it was a good idea.  He said that it could be dangerous and he really didn't want me to do it.  I told him that it's my long term goal.  It's what I truly want.  It's my passion.  I think I can be damn good at it.  And in a way, I sort of gave him an ultimatum.  I told him that if he doesn't like my career choice, he doesn't have to stick around.  I reminded him of how I waited for him to come home from a war zone for 432 days, and the least he could do is support me in my decision.  He actually agreed with me.  So I can I not support him in his most recent decision??  I have kind of given myself no choice.  I have to.