2012: A painful journey and road to recovery.

 

Although I'm anxious about what lies ahead, I'm relieved that 2012 will soon be in the past. I'm ready to get off this emotional rollercoaster ride. I know that everything has happened for a reason even though I have yet to figure out what those reasons are.  What I do know is that 2012 has taught me more about myself than any other year.  With the door closing on the this chapter of my life, I have done more reflecting and soul searching than I ever have before in hopes that I'll finally find peace within myself. And as much as I want to forget everything about this past year, I know it will haunt me for the rest of my life. Hoping that this will help me heal, I'm ready to open my heart to anyone who cares.

In 2012..
I felt: Loved by people who know nothing about me, Hated by those closest to me, Rejected by the people I care so deeply about, Used by those who I've tried to help, Betrayed by the people I once trusted, Lonely although not alone, Hurt by those who promised to protect me from pain, and Worthless to myself.

I had: Everything and nothing but never at the same time, Determination when life got too hard, Motivation when I wanted to give up, Pity on those who tried to break me down because they couldn't handle their own struggles.

I wanted: Revenge on everyone who hurt me, to be Held when I couldn't stand to look at my own reflection, to Give up when I was too tired to keep fighting.

I lost: Faith in myself when I failed to live up to my own expectations of myself.

I found: the Strength to wake up each morning and continue living even when I had nothing left to live for.

I regret: Giving so much of myself to those who didn't deserve it.

I learned: to Guard my heart because no one else will and I'm worth so much more than being repeatedly hurt, the people I would take a Bullet for were the ones behind the trigger, that I can't Expect things to be the same after so much has changed, that Healing is not an overnight process and that it's a daily cleansing of pain, that Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny, Failure will keep me humble, Success will keep me glowing, New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings, Challenges make life interesting and overcoming them makes life meaningful, to not allow myself to get Burned twice by the same flame, and to keep on Dreaming even if it breaks my heart.

I hope: to find Happiness in the future.