E-mail Harassment

I took my last final exam on Thursday, and waiting for final grades stresses me out more than the semester as a whole. And this time I was even more nervous due to the fact that I literally had to teach myself everything. My professor was a really nice guy, but his ability to teach was just nonexistent and he would constantly stumble over what he was trying to say. He could never give us specifics of what exactly we needed to know for exams. He always told us that if we're covering it, then we need to know it. That would require us to know every detail about every single chapter, and let's face it, there are always things in textbooks that are just irrelevant and a waste of time.
Yesterday, while I was at work, I could feel the 50 pound weight sitting on my shoulders once again knowing that I would have to wait an entire week before finding out my final grade for the semester. So, I did what any impatient person would do.. I e-mailed my teacher.. 3 times in 1 hour. I was already home from work when I finally got an answer at 4:30pm.

"Stacie,

After the final, your overall grade is at 86, which means you're safely at a B. I wouldn't be surprised if the remaining items put you up to a B+ though. No promises."

Being a member of the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society, I always aim for an A, but this semester has literally sucked the life out of me. Things going on in my personal life, the week before finals, officially kicked the stress level up about 10 notches. I went from 95 pounds down to 87 pounds. With that said, I will surely settle for a B or a B+ in microbiology.

He doesn't hand out A's.

So, at the begining of this semester, on the first day of class, my oral communications teacher told us that he doesn't just hand out A's unless they are truly earned. That opening statement made me want to drop the class, but I kept telling myself that I can't just run away from difficult classes. A few weeks ago we had to do a formal informative presentation. Mine was about acute myocardial infarctions.. fancy name for heart attacks. I got my grade back last week which came with a bunch of feed back from the teacher. This girl right here got an A- and was told that the research I brought into my presentation was upper under-graduate level. Not bad for someone who's only going for an associates degree right now, huh?

Motivation Mojo

I can't keep up with this blog this semester. These two classes are draining me! I'm struggling to find even a little bit of motivation and get my mojo back. Even the PTK ceremony was some what of a bust. Tony and my dad were able to attend, but my mom had to work and couldn't get the night off. I was disappointed because she was inducted into PTK when she was in college and I really wanted her to be there. During the ceremony, as each person's name was called a yellow PTK stole was placed around our neck, this had me super excited.. until after the ceremony. The students and their familes were invited to a light dinner in the cafeteria.. where they took the stoles back and told us that if we maintain our GPA we can purchase our own stole at graduation. We didn't even get a pin. Nothing. I started to question what the heck I paid $60 for!?
Well, I guess instead of sitting here whining about the loss of my motivation mojo, I should go find it by working on my recombinant DNA technology research paper for micro. While I do that, please enjoy my $60 worth of PTK pictures. Sigh.

PTK

I received a letter in the mail from school the other day. I have been selected to become a member of the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society. Who would've ever thought that I'd achieve something like this!? At first I was going to decline the offer because I wasn't exactly sure what it was all about. After I talked to my mom and realized what an actual honor it is, I have decided to go for it. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm busting my butt for something... rather than nothing. I was begining to feel like there was no light at the end of the tunnel, but now I'm getting somewhere. And what a wonderful feeling it is to be doing something with my life that finally makes my parents proud.

Can't catch a break

I must be a crappy teacher magnet. Another semester of self-teaching. My micro professor is all over the place! I have been leaving the lectures early because I can't follow this guy. More than half of my class is getting tutored. I've thought about it, but I really want to do this on my own. I want to prove to myself that I can do this, that I'm smart enough to handle it. However, I'm extremely nervous that this semester is going to ruin my 3.8 GPA. It's been extremely difficult to focus and not just because of my teacher. The semester started off really crappy outside of school as well. September was not the greatest month for me. Two friends that I grew up with passed away within three days. One was a motorcycle accident and the other was a car accident. On top of all that, our neighbor has moved. This was upsetting to Tony and I because we have formed a bond with him over the last year, even more so over the summer. Tony and I even think of him as an uncle. He's like that really cool uncle who lets you get away with everything. It's been quiet around here without him. Drinking beers hasn't been the same since he left. I just can't seem to catch a break. Sigh.

Hard work really does pay off

Ever since final exams ended exactly one week ago, I had been checking my email like crazy waiting for my final A&PII grade. I was scared and anxious to know all at the same time. Finally, on Wednesday, the email had arrived. I was at work and extremely nervous to open it in fear that I would be in a bad mood the rest of the day if I got a bad grade. We all know how important my grades are to me. I decided to open it anyways. I needed to know so that I could get rid of the 50 pound weight that was still resting heavily on my shoulders. I closed my eyes as I clicked on the email. I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. I opened my eyes and began to read:

"Hi Stacie

Your grade for the Final Exam was 85.1%, which counts twice.

Your grade for the second Practical was 91.8%.

The grade that was dropped was the 82.5 on the first practical.

Your final grade for the course is an A. Excellent job. I greatly enjoyed you and your class.

Good luck in the future,

Prof. Caulkins"

I was so happy and so relieved that I started to cry. All the studying, last minute cramming, and never ending stress this summer had finally paid off.

Next up.. Microbiology. Bring it on!

Never again

Never again will I take a class, such as A&PII, over the summer! The semester ended yesterday, so I'm not sure of my official grade in the class. However, I do know that I am not thrilled with the grade I got on the final exam, but I will take it.. considering I don't really have a choice in the matter. I just expect more than an 85 from myself. I am officially exhausted from this semester's finals week. Last semester my hair was falling out, this time I couldn't stop losing weight. I lost 4.5 pounds in a matter of 72 hours, without trying. By the time I walked out of the lab practical last night, I felt as though I was going to collapse. I let out a nice big sigh of relief knowing that I didn't have to take another test.. for at least two weeks until fall semester starts. Now to wait for final grades to come rolling in.

no more quizzes

I didn't make it to class last night thanks to my lovely immune system that is constantly letting me down. I've been sick since the begining of the week and continued to go to work and school. I didn't give myself enough time to rest. I sent my teacher a last minute email a couple hours before class started. I'm sure she'll understand. She has two little kids at home and I'm sure she wouldn't want to bring my germs home to them.
Tuesday night my A&PII teacher gave us some good news. No more quizzes! And if we do have any more they will be take home quizzes. But we still have our exam this up coming Tuesday. Sigh.

taking the bad to get the good

Recently I had two papers to write for my human growth and development class (HG&D). My teacher allows us to use resources, whether it's the news, magazines, internet, or encyclopedia. However, with this class, resources are not my style. She told us in the begining that the class will be about opinions. And people who know me well enough know just how opinionated I am or can be. The first paper we got to choose one topic out of the four she gave us. None of them really interested me, but I ended up going with "Having two parents is always better than having one." We had to agree or disagree with whatever topic we chose. I pulled off an A- with that paper. At the bottom of my essay she wrote, "Resources?" I'm assuming that's why I got the A- and not an A, but I wrote my paper strictly based on my own thoughts and perspectives. I was tempted to question my grade, but then I realized that after my B- lab practical, an A- is acceptable. The second paper we had to choose a side. "Do parents matter more than peers?" This one was easy for me. And once again I based it on my own opinions as well as my own life experiences. I'm thinking that my own life experiences is what got me an A. I'm still not happy with my lab practical grade. But, if I have to get one so-so grade to get two good grades, I guess I can live with that.

try harder next time

I am slacking with this blog, big time! These summer classes keep me insanely busy! Keeping up with A&P II seems almost impossible. I'm not doing nearly as well as I'd like, but some how I am managing to keep my head above water. I did great on the first exam. The exam I didn't know about until ten minutes before class when one of my classmates mentioned that he thought we had an exam that day. I pulled out the class outline and sure enough.. exam 1. I just about fainted when I read that! I hadn't studied for it at all. So I pulled out my notes and briefly went through whatever I could before it was time to actually take the exam. I don't know how I did it, but I was able to pull a 92.5 out of my butt! And my teacher gave us a chance for extra credit to bring our exam grades up a few points. Whatever questions we got wrong, we were able to correct them for half the points of whatever the questions were worth. But we also had to give a small explanation as to why or how our new answer is the correct one. So I was able to bring my grade up to a 95.
Recently, we just had our first lab practical. I was pretty sure that I had failed it, but then again I say or think that about every quiz, test, or exam that I take. We got our grades back a few days ago. I didn't fail it, but I'm not exactly thrilled with my grade. Sure an 82.5 is still passing... but it's not an A. It's not what I am used to. I was told yesterday at work by one of the nurses that I need to get over it (being upset with my grade) real quick. At first I was kind of angered by what was said to me, but the more I thought about it, the more she was right. I can't keep dwelling on every so-so grade that I get. I need to accept it, move on, and try harder next time.

Mental Health Week

I'm on vacation! Not that I have anywhere exciting to go or anything special to do. I put in for vacation thinking that I would be working bike week again this year, until I signed up for summer classes. Knowing how important it is that I hurry up and finish school, I decided to skip out on bike week after my vacation had already been approved. I tried to take it back but the nurse who does the schedule wouldn't let me. She told me that I work really hard and now with the added stress of school I need to atleast use this as a mental health week. I suppose she is right. I'm just not sure what to do with myself. I can only study for so long before I start to go crazy. And since it IS bike week the weather has been rainy and crappy so I can't even go to the beach and relax. Today I get to pick my brother up from work in an hour and then take him with me to go visit our grandparents. Then when I drop him off at home I have to bring one of my mom's dogs to the groomer and pick him up when he's ready. Then I get to come back home and do some laundry and cleaning... then some more studying. Something tells me that this vacation is going to be a waste of earned time.

Procrastination Station

It's that time again. Back to school today. I don't feel as though I'm ready for it. To be honest.. I'm actually really nervous to be taking A&P II. Especially with a different teacher. I'm afraid that this one may not offer chances for extra credit like my A&P I teacher did. Extra credit is what got me an A.
I also know that I won't be able to visit Aunt Marie that much over the summer while going to school three nights a week and working full time. And that breaks my heart. I'm just so afraid she's going to think that I don't care about her anymore. I just know that I can't afford to fail school. I need to get through it, graduate, and be able to provide for my husband a whole lot better than I am able to right now.
Since I have been procrastinating, getting my school stuff ready, all day.. I suppose I should go get a move on it right now.

Ridding regret

Now that spring semester has finished, and I have a couple of weeks off before summer classes start, I have had some extra free time. Time to go fishing with Tony. That is always the highlight of our summers. Time to catch up on cleaning the apartment. Time to catch up on laundry. Too much time to think. Lately I have been thinking about Aunt Marie. I haven't had a visit with her since she was admitted at the hospital I work at. Ever since she went to the nursing home I haven't gone to visit with her. I haven't been able to find the courage to choke back my tears, get in the car, and drive to her. Until tonight.
The last few weeks I have been walking around with a weight of guilt on my chest. The more I thought about Aunt Marie, and stopped myself from visiting her, the heavier it would get. Today, after I got home from work, I sat down and thought long and hard about my decision to not visit her just because I can't handle it. I realized how unfair and selfish I am being. I also realized that time isn't going to stop, or even slow down, and wait for me to get up the strength to face her. She is dying and the clock keeps ticking. I think about the regret and guilt that I live with everyday for not seeing my Pepere as much as I should have or could have. Do I really want to double that?? No. I don't. Which is why I went to visit Aunt Marie tonight.
When I got to the nursing home and found a place to park, I couldn't get out of the car. I sat there.. scared. Terrified of how much worse she may look since the last time I saw her. Worried that she may have gotten so bad that she wouldn't be able to recognize who I am. I sat in my car and cried. After about 10 minutes, or what felt like an eternity, I pulled myself together. Wiped my tears away. And went inside. I walked into her room to find her sleeping. I was so thankful for that. I hadn't even thought about what I'd say to her if she had been awake. She's dying.. so what good would it do to ask her how she's doing?? I stood at the foot of her bed and began to sob again. Only for a minute though, in fear that she'd hear me and wake up. I sat down in a chair near her bed and just stared at her. Wondering why or how something so horrible could happen to such a wonderful woman. That's when she slightly opened her eyes. I smiled and waved to her. Her eyes closed and she fell back asleep. I had to fight the urge to run out of her room and burst into tears. Her eyes opened again.. this time completely. She looked at me.. smiled.. and reached out to me for a hug. We chit chatted for about 30 minutes and then an awkward silence set in. I told her I had to go home and make dinner and that I would be back tomorrow morning. I don't really want to go. I hate seeing her like this. But if I don't go, then I'd be lying. Lying to my aunt that used to be a nun. As I leaned over to give her a hug, she pulled me in close and told me how great it was to see me. I could even hear it in her voice. It meant alot to her. And that made me cry even more when I got back to my car.
I keep asking my Pepere to give me the strength I need to get through these tough times. It's so hard letting go, but I know that I will have one more angel watching over me when she passes. Another angel to watch over me, guide me, and help me through all the tough times ahead.

I passed!

I just found out my final grades in A&P I and Statistics. In A&P I needed a total of 930 points (out of 1,000) to get an A. My final grade of 961 points has made me more than happy! I passed Stats with a B+. I was kind of hoping to get atleast an A- but I suppose a B+ isn't so bad considering I had to teach myself the material the entire semester. These grades have given me a 3.65 GPA. I'm not thrilled about it since I was able to maintain a 3.8 GPA when I was attending Hesser. But then again I didn't have the stress that I do now... back then my husband was deployed.. which I suppose that doesn't make sense either because a deployment as a newlywed is beyond stressful.
I have two whole weeks off from school before my summer classes start. You would think that I'd enjoy the time off, but instead I have already started looking at the next few chapters for A&P II and I have even started labeling the diagrams in my lab book for those chapters. I want to be ahead of the game. I want a higher GPA. I want a better job. I want to be a medflight nurse. I want to be great at what I'm good at!

Finals... Finally!!

I never thought that I would see the end of this semester. It couldn't come fast enough. Today I have my A&P lab practical and final exam. It has been stressing me out more than I have realized. My husband was kind enough to point it out to me a few days ago.. and again this morning. When I stopped to think about it, he is absolutely right. I have been snapping at him and biting his head off over minute things. Things that I would normally laugh about. I know that it's no excuse.. but look at everything I have been through the last couple months. My Pepere passed away, I found out my Aunt Marie is dying, and then my Papa ends up in my ER in really rough shape.. all while working 40 hours a week and going to school. It has really done a number on me emotionally and mentally. But atleast my hair has stopped falling out!.. or maybe it hasn't.. but either way I'm ending this semester with what appears to be a full head of hair. Bonus!
I can't wait to have two weeks off from school! That's right. Only two weeks and not the entire summer. I signed up for another two classes. Human Growth & Development and A&P II. I am hoping that if I take A&P II right after A&P I, while everything is (hopefully) still fresh in my mind that it might make the class a tad bit easier. I guess I'll find out soon!!

A down grade and a good grade.

Finally, some good news. Yesterday my Papa got down graded from the CCU to telemetry. His NG tube has been removed and he hasn't had any vomiting since then. He has had two flu swabs done, the first one being positive and the second was negative so as far as I know they are still treating him with flu precautions. He was able to get up out of bed with a one person assist, which is far better than the four person assist he needed when he came into the ER on Monday. Things are looking up for him.
More good news.. I managed to get a 96 on last weeks statistics test, making up for the 73 I got a few weeks ago.
Yesterday I was also able to convince my Nana into coming down to the ER to be checked out to make sure she didn't have the start of a pneumonia or the flu, since she has also been sick for the last couple of weeks. I know she wasn't happy with me for making her do so. And although she'll never admit it, I'm pretty sure she was damning me to hell. But I worry. So if she wants to be mad at me for caring so much, I'm okay with that. All of her test results came back fine. My family and I are finally starting to let out that sigh of relief, and at the same time I'm sure we're all still holding our breath and wondering if or when something else is going to go wrong.

Someone else's turn

I have to make this quick since I have to leave for school in about 15 minutes. Things have not been getting better since my last post. My Papa (the brother of my great aunt that is dying) arrived in the ER I work at yesterday.. while I was working. He was not doing well at all. I'm going to lie.. he had me so scared at one point. The ER physician who I am really good friends with, looked at me and said, "If I have to intubate him, are you okay with that?" I was terrified but knew that I had to keep myself together since my Nana was there in the room. Luckily we avoided intubation, however, he was still admitted to the CCU with pneumonia related sepsis and an upper GI bleed. I went to see him this morning and he looked a lot better than he did yesterday. The stress just keeps piling up on my plate. I just keep asking myself when will be someone else's turn?

It's been a while

My apologies for being absent for a while. Life has been a whirlwind of emotion for me lately. Last weekend my husband and I took off to Canada to see visit my Pepere who was in the hospital. It was the first time Tony got to meet him, and the last time I would ever see him alive. The following Tuesday my dad contacted me to let me know Pepere had passed away. So on Wednesday we packed and headed to Canada for the second time in one week. Friday morning, while still in Canada, I found out from my mom that my great aunt (Aunt Marie) had been taken by ambulance to the hospital I work at, and had been admitted. The next night, after my Pepere's funeral, my mom got another call from family back here at home. My Aunt Marie had been diagnosed with colon and lung cancer and that she doesn't want any treatment. She wants to go to a nursing home, live out her days, and go home to God. The following day, Tony gets a call from his family only to find out that his grandmother had just been diagnosed with liver and lung cancer. She is in good spirits though. She just recently battled breast cancer and she's ready for another fight. But honestly, how much more bad news can one person handle?! I suppose the old saying when it rains, it pours is true.
At some point my grandparents, my mom, and myself (and maybe a couple other sets of hands if I can round them up) have to go to my aunt's house and remove anything and everything valuable. Whenever it is that she does go to a nursing home, they will have all rights to her house and anything inside. I think that's crazy. But then again, I don't exactly understand how or why it is that the nursing home will own everything she has. I don't know when I am going to be able to help them. I go back to school tonight, and back to work tomorrow. I have a really full schedule, but I know I need to be there for my family as well. It's so hard to focus on anything right now. The one thing that does stand out in my head, though, is a quote from Mother Teresa, "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

Stop slacking!

I've made it to spring break! And I'm still here... at home. Aren't I supposed to be in Florida partying it up with all the other college kids? Oh how I wish I had the money to do so! However, even if I did have the money, there still would be no partying for me this week. I am sick again! Usually every year from November until April I get sick an amazing number of times. And now with the added stress of school, my immune system hates me more than ever! I have a lot of stuff to do for A&P this week and I haven't even started any of it!! I don't have the energy. I have a severe case of faucet face right now accompanied by an unattractive cough. I have been anything but productive this week with my school work. I went home early from work Monday and yesterday. I didn't even care about celebrating St. Patty's Day. Instead, I was far more comfortable parked on the couch and not moving. I don't feel any better today but unfortunately I need to put the slacking on hold and meet up with one of my classmates today at the school to work on our fitness center lab. So I suppose I should stop sitting around in my own filthy germs, go shower, get ready and stop slacking.

Kicked in the gut

This past Tuesday I had my first lab practical exam in A&P. I studied as much as I possibly could and still walked out of class with that gut feeling that I had failed it. I could barely even sleep that night because I every time I closed my eyes I could see the test questions and the answers I had put down and would realize that I put down the wrong answer! After only a couple hours of sleep, it was time to wake up and get ready for work. It was an alright day in the ER, I suppose, until I got kicked in the stomach by a patient. It wasn't accidental either. His intentions were to hurt someone, and that someone just happened to be me. The charge nurse told me he wanted me to press charges. At first I wasn't going to. I have enough on my plate with work and school. And patients that assault medical staff always seem to get away with it. So what's the point? After speaking with a police officer, and hearing about this guy's history of assaulting people, I figured I'd give a shot. Even if all they do is ban him from the hospital, I'll be happy with that. Luckily I wasn't seriously hurt. It could've been worse. And I don't want it to end up being worse for one of my coworkers in the future. If people keep letting him get away with it, he's just going to keep doing it.
However, I suppose the only good thing about being assualted by this guy, is that he kicked that gut feeling, about my lab practical, right out of my stomach. I got my exam grade back on Thursday and was in complete shock when I found out I passed it with a 100! I was tempted to ask her if my grade was accurate or not, because I shouldn't have scored that high. But why argue? I'll take it!! 100 is good enough for me!!

I'm losing it!

The good news is... my sister and rick are safe from the tsunami that pretty much didn't happen. It wasn't nearly as bad as people thought it was going to be.
The bad news is... I'm losing my hair! The stressing over school and grades is literally causing me to lose little small clumps of hair! I don't feel like I'm stressing out that much, but apparently I am. I can't really think of any other reason that would cause this to happen. I've been told to get my thyroid checked, but it's always been fine as long as I take my pill, and I have been. And the hospital continues to bill me everytime I do end up getting my TSH checked. I don't know why considering I have my health insurance through the hospital. I'd rather not have any more bills than what I have now. It's not going to help my stress level much. I don't think anything at all is going to help my stress level at this point.

whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly

I passed my statistics test with an 89! I did much better than I thought I was going to. Now I need to focus on studying for my A&P lab practical this Tuesday. I was afraid I would have to spend the weekend studying by candle light. With all the rain we got the other day and the powerful winds, we were without power for almost 24 hours. I couldn't even shower yesterday before work. I would've even settled for a cold shower, but because we have a well and didn't have power, we had absolutely no water too! But there's plenty of water in my garage thanks to the rain! When I got home from work last night my poor little pup, Simba, was so cold! We even piled his bed with blankets too! The three of us ended up cuddling on the couch to try and stay warm.
I woke up this morning to find out that a nasty earthquake hit Chile and now they are expecting a tsunami to hit Hawaii. Hawaii is where my sister is stationed. So I am a little on edge today. I'm not exactly sure how I am going to be able to stay focused on studying but I know I need to try. I'm sure my sister, Rick, and their dogs will be okay. Whatever's meant to be, will work out perfectly.

not ready!

I have a quiz in statistics today and to be completely honest, I'm not ready for it! The last couple days I have been so busy working, then coming home and trying to cram for statistics, that I totally forgot to check and see if I have a lab due today in A&P. When it's my weekend to work in the ER, I have to do Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday because of my school schedule and it totally drains me! By the time Tuesday comes around I am never quite sure wether I am coming or going! And work has been bad enough lately that on Friday... I thought it was actually Monday! I'm pretty sure I'm starting to lose my mind! Maybe that's why I'm so unprepared for this stats quiz today. I should probably going and look for my mind before I attempt to do any more studying! Please excuse me while I go and do that!!

A&P 101

I finally got my grade back from my first A&P exam. I totally passed it with a 101! A few extra credit points definately has never hurt anyone! I have another statistics quiz coming up on Tuesday. I'm not sure I'm ready for this one. I'm just getting tired of having to teach myself everything! I'm not getting paid to teach, so why should I have to do it?? Isn't that teacher's job? Oy! I'm just going to have to keep my fingers crossed and pray that I pass this one!

and I wonder why I'm exhausted!?!

So, classes on Tuesday got canceled. It was truly a blessing since I was not at all ready for that histology quiz. But now my teacher is going to have to cram six hours of class, into the usual three hour block of time. I figure she will either do it today or next Tuesday. I don't see her as being the type to just scratch what we were suppsed to do on Tuesday. And I know for damn sure she won't let us just scratch the histology quiz! But maybe I'll get lucky again and she'll push the histology quiz to next Tuesday so it doesn't interfere with our lecture time today. I just can't seem to find the energy to study this morning. Which is strange, considering I slept for about twelve hours. I'm still so, so tired! Between school frying my brain and work physically exhausting me, I don't know which is worse. I can barely function these days! I'm thinking that the problem is work. When school started, I was doing okay. I was able to manage. But back then, the ER wasn't the disaster that it is now. I'm sure it's not just me that work is doing a number on. I think everyone is feeling about the same way right now. Everyone is busting their butts and bending over backwards for the patients, and it still feels like we are all unappreciated.
The doctors are doing the best they can to see all the patients in an appropriate amount of time and get them out of the ER, wether it be by discharge or admission. Although there seems to be more admits than there are discharges. And that doesn't help the crisis of there being no beds anywhere in the hospital. Sometimes it seems like we could use more than two doctors, but that isn't the problem. The doctors get to all the patients, it's the patients not getting up to the floors that is the problem.
The nurses are exhausted. They are going well over their nurse to patient ratio. Especially when more than half the patients in the ER are critical. Some days we could definately use a few extra nurses, but administration doesn't want to approve the over time for the people who actually don't mind coming in to help out. They would much rather have us work with a skeleton crew. Sometimes I wonder if they find it funny? Well, it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Wether it be a nurse or a patient. And most likely it'll be a nurse. Because if a nurse gets hurt, they still won't care. We all know that if something bad happened to a patient, then something would be done about the staffing issue, and the nurse responsible for that patient would, of course, be punished regardless of the situation.
And lastly, the ER techs. Which would be me. We are tired! We are not assigned to specific patients. We have the entire department! We are responsible for checking the airway carts, IV carts, EKG machines, checking oxygen tanks, checking sharps boxes, stocking supplies in all the rooms, stocking linens, stocking fast track, and stocking triage. And along with our own list of things to do, we have to do everything that nurses don't feel like doing or don't have time to do. We constantly have to clean up after people, plug machines in so the batteries don't die. Lately, two or three techs on the floor, just isn't cutting it! We can't keep up with everyone's demands!
I really can't wait til I graduate, become an RN, get my required amount of experience, and can finally apply to medflight! Sigh.

Learning to love it

This morning, I am frantically studying histology. I hate it. I honestly do. But in the next seven hours I better learn to love it. I have a quiz today on it. I'm praying that class is canceled tonight now that it is snowing out. But I know that my prayers are useless. My teacher has already told us she will never cancel class since she lives only five minutes away from the school and drives a huge SUV. Sigh. Of course I could never be so lucky. I brought my histology papers to work yesterday to try and study some of the slides I will be quizzed on today. Unfortunately, the ER was SO busy that I barely had a chance to catch my breath! I was totally exhausted by the time I got out of there last night. I was thankful to have made it out of there alive! By the time I got home and settled in, I was able to squeeze in about an hour of studying before I was completely passed out on the couch.
I do have more to blog about, but it's just going to have to wait until some other time. I need to get back to studying. I need to pass this damn histology quiz tonight!!

that's what I get for having to teach myself!

I really don't have a whole lot to blog about today. I need to get my butt in gear and study for my rather large A&P test today. On Tuesday, I got a bunch of quizzes back from my A&P class as well as my first quiz in statistics. I was rather worried about the stats quiz. Since my teacher isn't really the greatest, I have had to teach myself everything I am supposed to be learning in class. Last week when my teacher handed out the quiz for us to take, I found myself sitting there just staring at it. I was drawing complete blanks and was rather disappointed in myself for not teaching me well enough! I had that gut feeling that I was going to bomb the quiz! After ten minutes of just flipping through the pages wondering what the heck I was supposed to do or how I was supposed to pass it, I started looking for things that I did know and took it from there. After another ten minutes went by and other students started getting up and passing their quiz in, I couldn't help but feel stupid. I felt like I should've been done already too! But I guess slow and steady does win the race. Only one person scored a 100, and five students scored between 90-99. I was lucky enough to be one of those five people! I made only a couple silly mistakes and managed to pass it with a 90! Thank God! Now I just need to pass this A&P test today!

monotony!

I can barely move this morning! My back hurts in the worst way! I am sure that I didn't hurt it at work and that it is only muscular. I am comfortable as long as I don't move. But the moment I try to do something, the pain is horrible! I'm not quite sure if I just over exerted myself this weekend at work or if it has something to do with my backpack that weighs almost as much as I do! The damn thing weighs in at 10 pounds!! And people are wondering why I'm losing weight!! Going to school is a work out and a half!! Not to mention all the stress that's been piling up for me the last few weeks! If one more person has the nerve to ask me if I've lost weight, they just may get a punch in the face! I'm sorry if my first priority isn't food! Although I suppose eating at least breakfast would be a good idea. Lately, I find myself going to bed hungry, waking up starving, and that most likely, the noises that I hear while I'm driving to work in the morning, is my stomach devouring every last internal organ I own! By the time I get to work and start running around, I forget how hungry I was before I got there. Sometimes I don't remember until I start shaking and feel like I'm going to pass out. And other times I just don't remember to eat at all! By the time I get home, there's dishes, laundry, or studying to be done. Those take precedence. But nine times out of ten, I don't have the energy to do the dishes or the laundry, so sitting my butt on the couch with a school book in my lap becomes priority. On school day mornings, I wake up early to get some more studying done, but I'm still exhausted from not allowing myself to sleep in. I'm even too tired to make a fresh pot of coffee, so instead, I fill a mug up with left over coffee from yesterday morning and stick in the microwave. Gross. I know. But to be completely honest, I really don't care. However I can get my caffeine fix is good enough for me. Back to the couch I go with my reheated java, waiting until I'm awake enough to get some last minute cramming in before school. By the time I am fully awake I can usually get in a good three hours. Then I shower and head off to class until 8:30ish PM. By the time I get home it's about 9PM. Sometimes later than that depending what time A&P finishes. And once again, I'm far too tired and my brain is far beyond fried to want to do anything but plop down on the couch and not move a muscle. And the monotonous cycle just keeps going and going and going...

tired isn't the word

I am beyond exhausted! For some reason, over the last week, I haven't been able to get more than three hours of sleep. I'm guessing that maybe, subconsciously, I am freaking out way too much about school. But who wouldn't be stressed with 3-4 quizzes every week!? I'm trying so hard not to fail and yet I feel like all my hard work.. is working against me. And now I have one more bit of awesomeness weighing on my mind. The VA has struck again! Tony and I got our tax returns back today. It hit our bank account first thing this morning. We had some big plans with that money. Mostly just paying extra on rent, and bills, and getting the vehicles up to par. But the VA wasted no time at all. They took every last penny of our tax returns due to Tony's whole mess of a GI debt or whatever it is that we have been struggling to fix over the last six months. So now we have almost nothing. And of course Tony felt the need to tell me about this while I was at work today. I broke down and cried. I'm so sick of being stressed, and worrying, and trying so hard and still getting nowhere! Between my lack of sleep the last week and how much I cried today, my eyes are burning! It's only a matter of time now before they just fall right out of my head!
As for studying tonight.. I thought I wasn't going to get much done at all. However, I registered on a pretty cool website tonight: www.myaandp.com I have been glued to it for the last two to three hours just playing around with all the tools and labs and what not. I found it to be very helpful.
I really need to try and get some sleep now. I have to work again in the AM and if I don't get more than three hours of sleep tonight.. well, I apologize in advance if I'm just plain cranky tomorrow!

New year, new goals, new blog

I've decided to stop blogging on my other account. I am still a very proud army wife and I always will be. I have just decided to do something new. As of last month I finally got my butt back into college. And this time I plan to stay in college. No one to two year breaks in between. I have new goals and dreams. I still want to get my nursing degree, but I just want to do something different with it. For a while I thought the ER would be it for me. That I had finally found something that makes me happy. I don't mind the ER at all, I do love it, but I am a definate adrenaline junky. And the ER does not give me my fix every day that I am there. I want to work for a med-flight company. Saving lives on the chopper. The more I think about it, the more I want it! But I know that once I get my nursing degree, I need atleast five years of ER or critical care RN experience. It's kind of discouraging only because I want this so badly and I don't want to wait five years before I can apply for med-flight. I want to do it now!
So this where the new blog comes into play. My dad actually mentioned it to me the other day. I guess he saw the whole blogging experience in the movie "Julie and Julia." I have yet to see the movie, but I figured I'd give this back to school blog thing a shot. And then maybe I will have my little brother help me turn this bad boy into a book. Depending how successful I am at this, of course. Right now I feel like I barely have to breathe. And I'm only taking two classes. It may not seem like a lot, but I'm still working forty hours a week in the ER as well. My weeks are very repetitive lately. Working every other weekend, monday, wednesday, and friday. Tuesdays and thursdays consist of waking up much earlier than I would like to do on a day off from work and cramming every last bit of statistics and/or anatomy and physiology that I possibly can before being stuck in classes from 3pm until 9pm.
My statistics teacher isn't all that great. He's a great guy and all, but in my opinion, if you're going to teach statistics then atleast take a statistics class yourself. He informed us all on the first day of class that he has never taken a stats class in his life. And it shows. I feel like I would be better off not showing up for class, unless it's for a quiz or exam, and just reading the book at home according to the syllabus.
Anatomy and physiology is definately more my cup of tea. But, WOW! Holy memorization! That stuff is dry, dry, dry! I don't really care about protons and monosaccharides. I wish we'd get to the good stuff already! I want to dissect in the worst way! I'm that seems a little morbid to most, but come on now! I work in an ER. I've seen a total arm degloving, a saw sticking out of someone's chest, and held a person's brain in their head! I'm just a hands on kind of girl. I learn better that way. And it's a lot more interesting than sitting through the lecture days and taking notes for three hours straight! And not to mention I have to rewrite all my notes when I get home so I can decipher my chicken scratch before I forget exactly what it is that I had to frantically jot down before it got erased from the board.
Sometimes I wish that I didn't go back to school, but I know I need to get it done. If I ever want to get anywhere or do something with my life, it's now or never. I must commit to excellence!