From Army to Airforce.

A few days ago, Tony sat down next to me and asked me if I trust him.  I was a little nervous as to which direction this conversation was about to go in.  I told him, "Of course I trust you."  He then asked me, "How would you feel about me re-enlisting and going active duty Airforce?"  I forget exactly what I told him after that, but I know I also told him that I will always support him in anything that he truly wants to do.
I've had time to think about it.  I play the question over and over again in my head.  "How do I feel about it??"  The truth is, I feel so many different things about it and it's been difficult for me to sort them all out and figure out why I am feeling all these mixed emotions about it.  So what better place, to do so, than here?
I feel happy.  He seems to really want this.  His face lit up as he talked to me about it.  I haven't seen that in a while and it warmed my heart to hear him talk so passionately about it.  If something in life makes my husband happy, I am going to be happy for him.
I feel excitement.  When I married Tony, he was in the National Guard.  I never had to move to another state or live on post.  I am thankful for that, however, who doesn't love to travel?  Who doesn't love to explore all that this beautiful country has to offer?  Sometimes, I feel like a new begining is exactly what we need.
I feel scared.  I am very comfortable where we are right now.  I have my family close by.  I have all my friends that I have grown up with.  I have my job that I've been at for almost nine years.  This is home for me.  I think about having to pack up and leave it all behind to go to a place that I am unfamiliar with.  A place where I don't know anyone and don't know who to trust or who not to trust.  A place where I have no support system.  It scares me.
Most importantly, I know that no matter how I feel about all this.. I can't tell him, "No."  When I told Tony that my ultimate goal is to someday be a medflight nurse, he told me that he didn't think it was a good idea.  He said that it could be dangerous and he really didn't want me to do it.  I told him that it's my long term goal.  It's what I truly want.  It's my passion.  I think I can be damn good at it.  And in a way, I sort of gave him an ultimatum.  I told him that if he doesn't like my career choice, he doesn't have to stick around.  I reminded him of how I waited for him to come home from a war zone for 432 days, and the least he could do is support me in my decision.  He actually agreed with me.  So I can I not support him in his most recent decision??  I have kind of given myself no choice.  I have to.

It's still just the begining

Five years ago, on this exact day, Tony and I began our journey through life together. Of course, five years ago on this day, he was in Mississippi training and getting ready for his second deployment to Iraq. However, I still vividly remember receiving his e-mail telling me how he felt about me and that if I faithfully waited for him that he would come home to me safe and unharmed. I was scared that what he was telling me could potentially turn out to be the complete opposite and that he could be killed over there. I wanted to stop myself from falling even more in love with him so that it wouldn't hurt as much if that did happen. My heart wouldn't let me stop though. Deep down I knew that he was the one for me.  And the first 432 days of our journey, together, were spent apart.  He returned home to me, three days after our one year wedding anniversary, safe and unharmed.  Just like he promised.  Five years seems like a long time, but I know that this is still just the begining of an amazing journey through life together.

I woke Tony up very early this morning and I dragged him to the beach so that we could watch the sun rise together.  It was beautiful.

Domino effect

I am going to attempt to let go of my box of tissues for two minutes so I can post this.  So, in other words, of course I had to wake up sick this morning.  My assumption is that it is related to the stress of yesterday.  I got a phone call from the actual hospital line.  I knew right away that I was about to receive some sort of bad news because no one in my family ever calls the hospital directly for me unless it's something bad.  I picked up the phone only to hear my husband's voice, going a mile a minute, saying that my grandparents had fallen down a flight of stairs and my papa landed on top of my nana.  Keep in mind that these are the same grandparents that I blogged about in this post "Someone elses turn."  They have been through enough already.  However, I ended up finding out what really happend.  They were carrying some grocery bags into the house.  My papa was walking up the front steps behind my nana.  Papa tripped and fell forward, right into nana, causing her to fall forward landing directly on her knee.  Just like a couple of dominoes.  Instead of calling for an ambulance, they continued bringing their groceries in, had their dinner, and then called my mom.  Unfortunately, there wasn't much that my mom could do since she was stuck at work, so she called my dad who picked them up and brought them to the ER that I work at.  Turns out that my nana has a patella fracture in her already arthritis filled knee.  She ended up discharged from the ER and by the time I got home I was completely drained and felt some sort of a cold setting in.  I went to bed in early in hopes that I could sleep it off before it set in full force.  I may have lost the battle but I am determined to win the war.  I will beat this cold!

You're a starr in my eyes

It took seven years for instant fame

Twenty years to know your name

What a waste of time

Endless nights, imagined stage

Shots of devils blood to dull the pain

You'll make it this time

And for what it's worth, I believe in you..

You're a starr in my eyes

You're a beacon of light

You're an inspiration

My hope in this life

You're an endless horizon

You're a starr that can lead

You're a questionless answer

The one who'll succeed

They question why you chose this path

Not the standard dream that's made to last

They don't understand

You've got things to do

And things to say

Lives to change, be it your way

What about you?

And for what it's worth, I believe in you..

You're a starr in my eyes

You're a beacon of light

You're an inspiration

My hope in this life

You're an endless horizon

You're a starr that can lead

You're a questionless answer

The one who'll succeed

Don't listen to them or what they say

I hope you don't fall before your glory day

~MindsetX

Happy Birthday Miss America!

If there is one thing that seems to remain consistant this summer it's the sky.  We seem to be keeping up with the multi-color skies this year.  And tonight, it was a perfect fit for America's birthday.  It may not be the typical patriotic styled red, white, and blue.. but it worked for me, once again taking my breath away.

Tonight we got to set off the rest of our fireworks.. and I didn't have to run from them again!

Oh what a night.

He's home!  Fun times, crazy times, new friends, old friends.  Oh what a night it was.

All in a day..

Yesterday was rather eventful.. but most of my days usually are.  It started off with a beautiful, early morning trip to the beach with Tony.  There was hardly anyone there.  We walked back and forth along the water collecting seashells.. and some unfortunate little starfish that were left behind to dry up in the sun.

After we arrived back home, Tony left for work and the afternoon was pretty mellow.  I spent my time sitting outside, soaking in the sunshine.  In the early evening, I went and picked up my little brother.. who isn't really all that little anymore.  He celebrated his 22nd birthday yesterday.  So I invited him over for some beers and early fireworks.  As soon as I got him back to my place, it started to rain.  It was still warm out, and knowing that we wouldn't melt (or atleast we hoped) we decided to stay outside despite a few drops of water.  And with the sun still shining, I began searching the sky for something beautiful until I found what I was looking for.  A rainbow.

The rain eventually stopped while the rainbow slowly faded and Tony arrived home, from work, shortly after.  Once the sun finally went down it was time to set off some fireworks.  Tony had already set off a handful in the driveway by the time I made it down there with my camera.  The next one tipped over after Tony had lit it, however, none of us knew this until we were face-to-face with a bunch a bright, colorful flames.  My brother headed towards the neighbor's yard while fireworks were shooting through his legs with every step he took.  All I could see was a bright green flame coming at my face.  Without thinking, I turned around and started to run.  I didn't get very far thanks to the little brick retaining wall that was right behind me.  I got a face full of dirt and scraped up shin.

I made my way up the stairs and onto the deck so I could go inside.  As I reached for the handle of the screen door I had another Gasp! moment. 

It was time for round two of the beast wars.  Without hesitation, I grabbed my bottle of Lysol kitchen cleaner and went right into attack mode.

It was another successful win for me and I remain undefeated.

Seashells, starfish, rainbows, fireworks gone wrong, scraped up shin, and another steroid bug battle.. all in a day.