I've had many ups and downs over the last couple of months since finishing school and passing my nursing boards. I've had more downs than ups though. I've moved back in with my parents, which is where no 28 year old wants to be, but I am grateful that I have a roof over my head and I'm not living in a car again. I'm still looking for an RN job and the fact that I am having such a hard time getting one has gotten me really discouraged and has sent me into a depression. It's been one week since I've started my BSN and once again the relationship I was in has crashed hard and burst into flames. I take full responsibility for it though. I started drinking pretty much every night, not thinking that I had a problem. I figured, when I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is reach for a drink, that's when I will have a problem. But I was wrong. Drinking heavily just about every night, on top of being depressed, turned me into a very ugly person. I have said hurtful things to people I care about and have pushed away the people who care about me. My ex likes to tell me that's a little too late to change and he can't take it any more. I can't say I blame him, but I also believe differently. It's never too late to change. And that's exactly what I intend to do. I am determined to find happiness in my life again. I need to get off this busted up, beaten path that I am currently traveling on. School, my dogs, and not giving up on finding a job are my priorities now. And how the hell can I stay on top of things if I'm drunk every night? He may never want anything to do with me again, but at least I'll be a changed, better person if someone else happens to come into my life and I thank my ex for making me realize that I need to make changes in my life. But as of right now, love and romance is on the back burner. I need to focus on being a better me and the things that matter most in my life. I can and I will do this. One step at a time.
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