The sharp knife of a short life

So much for TGIF. I got some pretty tragic news this morning. The story behind it makes it all the more tragic so I guess I will start from the begining. Last year, in February, a girl I grew up with lost her younger sister in a canoe accident. The younger sister was with two of her guy friends when the canoe tipped. The two boys made it to shore safely but she got pulled under the ice and drowned. My friend was very close with her sister and I guess the sadness that took over her.. eventually got the best of her. She was found dead in her bed this morning. Rumor has it that she overdosed but no one seems to know for sure if it was on purpose or completely accidental. I get angry about the situation when I think of the poor mother having to bury both of her children within a year. But I can't get angry specifically at my friend because I am fortunate enough to still have my sister and brother in my life. I'm not entirely sure what I would do or how I would react if I ever lost either one of them. I guess the lesson here is that life is short, so be thankful for the people in your life and tell them you love them as often as you can.

The results are in

I met with my doctor today to discuss my colposcopy results. Everything is completely normal. What he couldn't explain to me is why I had abnormal results to begin with and now everything is normal. I just can't wrap my head around it and the fact that there is no rhyme or reason, as to how or why things happened the way they did, doesn't help all that much. However, the results were normal so I suppose I should just shut up and count my blessings for that. I still have to go back in August for a follow up colposcopy. When I asked him why he responded with, "Well we want to make sure that nothing progresses." Now I am completely lost because he said everything is normal, so what exactly is there that could progress?? And I finally (two and a half years later) got a referral from him to see a specialist in Boston for a laparoscopy to rule out endometriosis!! As soon as I am done with all of this man's colposcopy shenanigans, I am done with him as well and I will be finding myself a new OB-GYN doctor. That is what I wanted to do last year, but then my Pepere passed away and everything went downhill from there and I put myself on the back burner so that I could be there for everyone else. I have now realized that in order to take care of everyone else, I need to take care of myself first.

What's up doc?

I had my colposcopy today. I never want to go through that ever again for as long as I live! I suppose there are worse medical procedures out there that I could've had to go through, but that doesn't make a colposcopy any more pleasant to have to go through. It will take a couple of weeks to get my results back. Once again, the waiting game. Sigh.

Registered

Today I registered for nursing classes for the fall. Fundamental Nursing Skills and Concepts for Nursing Practice. Now all I need is $300 worth of nursing school uniforms and $1000 worth of nursing books! Talk about breaking the bank to get to where you want to be in life! But I guess I have to spend money to make money. Just have to make the money so I can spend the money... to make money. Oy!

Unlucky number 3

Whoever said that bad news comes in 3's is absolutely right! I was on skype with my sister tonight while she was talking to our mom on yahoo messenger. My sister (who is on the other side of the country) got the news from my mom before I did!! My godparents, who live in Canada, went for their physical check-ups. Both of them were diagnosed with cancer. My uncle has prostate cancer and my aunt has cervical cancer! And apparently, for the last week, my grandmother has been taking medication for Alzheimer's!! I'd like to know why parents couldn't fill me in on all of this sooner!?? Maybe because they figured I have enough on my plate with my own health scare going on right now?? Either way, it's my family too. I have a right to know. I'm a grown woman. I can handle bad news considering that's what my life has revolved around for the last year.

Abnormal

The vicious cycle of the good news and the bad news in my life is relentless. Last week I had my joyous annual female exam. At the end of my appointment I was told that if I don't hear from the office it's okay because no news is good news. Well, yesterday I had to work a twelve hour shift. My husband sent me a text message, however, we were quite busy in the ER and I didn't get a chance to read the text message until 45 minutes later. He informed me that my doctor's office called and left a message on the answering machine. I was overwhelmed with fear and immediately ran to the closest phone and called the office. It was 5:06 and the answering service picked up and told me that the office closed six minutes prior to my phone call and that I would have to call the office back in the morning. Frustrated and scared, I broke down and cried. With only two hours left of my shift, our nurse manager saw how upset I was and told me to go home. I barely got any sleep last night.
I had to work again today, but I made sure to call the office as soon as it opened. I was told that my test results were positive for abnormal cells and that I need a colposcopy, and possibly a cervical biopsy, to make sure there isn't any pre-cancerous cells. They booked me for a colposcopy appointment in two weeks and told me that they will send me a pamphlet in the mail. I became furious. I was terrified with the news I was receiving and all they can do is mail me a pamphlet and rush me off the phone?!
I wiped away my tears and put on a brave face so that I could go and face my boss to let her know that I would need the day off from work on April 6th. I got the most insensitive response from her. "You need the WHOLE day off?" I couldn't believe it!! It's obvious that she doesn't care about her staff. The only thing that is important to her is that there are no holes in the schedule. Our clinical leader then said to me, "Well, I will have to look at the schedule, remind me later." Four hours later, they still hadn't looked at the schedule book. I finally asked one of them, "So am I going to be taken off the schedule that day or do I need to find my own coveraqe for a medical necessity?" I finally got my point across and my name is now removed from the schedule for April 6th.

Finally... A Letter

As I was down stairs paintint our end tables, I heard my dogs barking like crazy upstairs. I stepped outside to see if anyone was here. It was the mail man. I was hesitant to check the mail box since I was still waiting on a letter from the school and every day that it hasn't shown up, I get more and more disappointed. I decided to to check it anyways. Once again, to my disappointment I hadn't received anything from the school. As I walked back up the drive way, something in my gut told me to turn around and to my surprise the mail man had thrown the car in reverse and backed up to the mailbox again. I couldn't see over the snow bank which mailbox he was at but I did see a big yellow envelope get stuffed into one of them. I doubtful that it was for me, but I went back down anyways to check. And there it was.. a big yellow envelope from NCC admissions with my name on it. I only made it half way back up the driveway before I tore it open. All I read was "Stacie, We are pleased to inform you..." and that's when I fell to my knees and cried. It's been a long time since I have cried tears of shear happiness. People driving by must have thought I was crazy as I began throwing my hands up to the sky thanking God and all my angels resting peacefully up in Heaven! I have worked my butt off to get this far and I am beyond ready for the insane challenge of nursing school! Bring It On!!!