Unlucky number 3

Whoever said that bad news comes in 3's is absolutely right! I was on skype with my sister tonight while she was talking to our mom on yahoo messenger. My sister (who is on the other side of the country) got the news from my mom before I did!! My godparents, who live in Canada, went for their physical check-ups. Both of them were diagnosed with cancer. My uncle has prostate cancer and my aunt has cervical cancer! And apparently, for the last week, my grandmother has been taking medication for Alzheimer's!! I'd like to know why parents couldn't fill me in on all of this sooner!?? Maybe because they figured I have enough on my plate with my own health scare going on right now?? Either way, it's my family too. I have a right to know. I'm a grown woman. I can handle bad news considering that's what my life has revolved around for the last year.

Abnormal

The vicious cycle of the good news and the bad news in my life is relentless. Last week I had my joyous annual female exam. At the end of my appointment I was told that if I don't hear from the office it's okay because no news is good news. Well, yesterday I had to work a twelve hour shift. My husband sent me a text message, however, we were quite busy in the ER and I didn't get a chance to read the text message until 45 minutes later. He informed me that my doctor's office called and left a message on the answering machine. I was overwhelmed with fear and immediately ran to the closest phone and called the office. It was 5:06 and the answering service picked up and told me that the office closed six minutes prior to my phone call and that I would have to call the office back in the morning. Frustrated and scared, I broke down and cried. With only two hours left of my shift, our nurse manager saw how upset I was and told me to go home. I barely got any sleep last night.
I had to work again today, but I made sure to call the office as soon as it opened. I was told that my test results were positive for abnormal cells and that I need a colposcopy, and possibly a cervical biopsy, to make sure there isn't any pre-cancerous cells. They booked me for a colposcopy appointment in two weeks and told me that they will send me a pamphlet in the mail. I became furious. I was terrified with the news I was receiving and all they can do is mail me a pamphlet and rush me off the phone?!
I wiped away my tears and put on a brave face so that I could go and face my boss to let her know that I would need the day off from work on April 6th. I got the most insensitive response from her. "You need the WHOLE day off?" I couldn't believe it!! It's obvious that she doesn't care about her staff. The only thing that is important to her is that there are no holes in the schedule. Our clinical leader then said to me, "Well, I will have to look at the schedule, remind me later." Four hours later, they still hadn't looked at the schedule book. I finally asked one of them, "So am I going to be taken off the schedule that day or do I need to find my own coveraqe for a medical necessity?" I finally got my point across and my name is now removed from the schedule for April 6th.

Finally... A Letter

As I was down stairs paintint our end tables, I heard my dogs barking like crazy upstairs. I stepped outside to see if anyone was here. It was the mail man. I was hesitant to check the mail box since I was still waiting on a letter from the school and every day that it hasn't shown up, I get more and more disappointed. I decided to to check it anyways. Once again, to my disappointment I hadn't received anything from the school. As I walked back up the drive way, something in my gut told me to turn around and to my surprise the mail man had thrown the car in reverse and backed up to the mailbox again. I couldn't see over the snow bank which mailbox he was at but I did see a big yellow envelope get stuffed into one of them. I doubtful that it was for me, but I went back down anyways to check. And there it was.. a big yellow envelope from NCC admissions with my name on it. I only made it half way back up the driveway before I tore it open. All I read was "Stacie, We are pleased to inform you..." and that's when I fell to my knees and cried. It's been a long time since I have cried tears of shear happiness. People driving by must have thought I was crazy as I began throwing my hands up to the sky thanking God and all my angels resting peacefully up in Heaven! I have worked my butt off to get this far and I am beyond ready for the insane challenge of nursing school! Bring It On!!!

Will the good still come with the bad?

I'm not sure if I mentioned this in the last couple posts, but I finally completed all the steps of applying for the nursing program. I was selected for an interview with someone from the nursing program as well as the vice president of student services. I tried to prepare for it, but when I got in there I was asked everything that I wasn't prepared for. Go figure! Even though it didn't go as well as I anticipated, I still answered everything they asked me to the best of my ability. I was confident and spoke about my experiences with pride but I never came across as being better than everyone else.. because I know that I am not. Now I am playing the waiting game again. I have to wait until mid/late March to receive a letter from the school stating whether or not I have been accepted into the program for this fall or if I have to try again for next fall.
Meanwhile, I am praying that the good still comes with the bad. This morning Tony's grandmother passed away. With all that I have had to deal with over the last year, the least that life could hand me now is an acceptance letter into the RN program for this fall. I have more than enough angels on my side now and I'm sure at least one of them could pull some strings for me. :/

Until we meet again.

Another brief hiatus. My apologies. Aunt Marie's services were a bit of a mess. For starters, she looked awful and by no fault of the funeral home. She was always a well put together woman. Her hair was always colored and permed, she always dressed nicely and had matching jewelry. The woman in the casket just wasn't her. It wasn't the woman I remember as I grew up. But I guess after spending a year in a nursing home, I couldn't expect her to look like she used to. Her room at the funeral home had a lovely picture of her at the entrance, with the time of the funeral mass and the wrong location. It was all private services though, so everyone knew the correct location. The wake wasn't all that emotional. Atleast it wasn't for me. With it being the 6th death in 1 year for me, I don't think I have any emotions left. Not to mention her death wasn't at all a surprise for any of us. It wasn't an IF.. it was a WHEN. She lived a good life and her wish was to be with God. We all respected that.

The day of the funeral, my heart was pounding. I had never been a pallbearer before. With all the weight I have lost and how frequently I had gotten sick in the last couple months, I was unsure of my strength and the last thing I wanted to do was drop my aunt. I did okay though. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.. until we got to the church. When I looked out the car window and saw the 2 steep flights of stairs my palms started to sweat. It took a little bit of team work and muscle power, but we made it up. The mass was beautiful. The funeral procession to the cemetary wasn't a different story though. Tony and I were 4 cars behind the hearse and 2 cars behind the priest. When the car infront of us got cut off by an impatient woman I became furious. When she took a right down a side street, I couldn't hold myself back. I rolled the window down, stuck the upper half of my body out, and screamed obscenities at her. When I pulled myself back into the car, I realized that I probably shouldn't have said the words that I did, considering the priest was only 2 cars ahead and the fact that my aunt used to be a nun. When I spoke with my mom about it (who was riding about 3 or 4 cars behind us) she admitted to hearing me yell at the lady. Oops, the priest must have heard me as well. I'm sure I'm forgiven though.. I hope. When we got to the cemetary, the plot had already been dug up. However, my grandfather began looking all around. He turned back to the people from the funeral home and said, "This is the wrong plot!" Good grief. They told my papa that it would be taken care of. I hope it was. Because once she's in the ground, we'll never know.

Rest in perfect peace, Aunt Marie. Until we meet again. <3

New year, same stories.

One month into the new year, two weeks into a new semester, and yet some things never seem to change. We ended last year with the passing of my Aunt Sheila. Now, we haven't even completed the first month of the new year and we have 2 deaths in 1 week. On Saturday, Uncle Freddie passed away and has join Aunt Tricia up above. Yesterday I got a voice mail from my mom letting me know that Aunt Marie (who I posted about back in April of last year) had passed away around 9:30 in the morning. With that news, I became angry with myself. I could have and should have visited her more than the couple times that I did over the summer. But I didn't. I didn't visit her more often because I was selfish. She looked awful and it upset me to see her like that. And now that she's gone I can't help but think "What did Aunt Marie do all day when Nana and Papa weren't visiting her?" I'm guessing she would just lay there, bedridden, looking out the window and wondering when God was going to bring her home. I saw how much her face lit up when I visited her the very first time, and yet I stopped going because I cared about my feelings more than I cared about how lonely she is and how much she must be suffering. I am a terrible person. All I can do now is pray that all of these lost loved ones of mine can forgive me for not being there for them when they may have needed me the most.

Hurry up and wait.

I got my final grades back for last semester. I know that this is late news, but I have been enjoying my time off in between semesters. I did manage to get that B+ in Microbiology and I got a final grade of an A- in Oral Communications. I am happy with these grades, however I am disappointed that my GPA is now a 3.66 rather than the 3.74 that I started the semester with. The weekend following finals was filled with more studying.. a good 20ish hours of studying for the TEAS exam (the entry exam for the RN program). I was so nauseated by the time I finished the exam that I almost threw up in the school parking lot. I was terrified to know what my scores were. However, I amazed myself. I passed it on my first try. I scored above the minimum requirements in everything. Now it's a big waiting game to find out if I'm actually accepted into the program by the school. Sigh.