I'm a Soldier's wife..

It's been a long weekend.  It's been an even longer weekend for Tony.  His PTSD has been getting to him.. luckily he's strong and he hasn't let it get the best of him.  He just can't seem to shake the bad dreams.  He talked to me in his sleep Friday night.  More specifically, he quizzed me in his sleep.  He asked me questions only I would know the answers to.  Come to find out, in his dream (or maybe nightmare is a better word) he was fighting a bunch of Iraqis.. and they were all look alikes of me.  Even in his sleep, the poor guy was afraid that the person beside him could potentially be out to get him.  He can get mad at me all he wants for sharing this, but I feel like people need to know what our military goes through.  They don't spend 14 months in a war zone and come home completely unchanged.  Everything may seem fine and dandy from the outside, but inside their mind.. life is a constant battle.  I am fortunate that his PTSD isn't as severe as it could be.  He hasn't turned into an alcoholic, he doesn't beat me, and he doesn't kick the dogs.  I'm okay with that, but he still suffers.. and that still hurts me.  Sometimes it's easier to protect people who are a physical danger to themselves.  But how do you protect someone from their own mind or subconscious??  I know when he is physically around me, he is more at ease.  However, I go to school 3 days out of the week and go to work another 3 days out of the week.. I feel like I'm not a very good wife even though I know that I am.  You can call that being conceited if you want, but a bad wife would walk away.  I haven't and I won't.

I have a bad habit of rambling before I get to my point with these damn posts.  I'm not airing our dirty laundry just for giggles.  I just want my husband to find some sort of solace in his suffering.  I want him to know that he isn't alone and there are other soldiers out there going through the same thing.. or maybe it's me that is search of solace.  If there is anyone out there going through the same things, please get in touch with me.  Please, help me help my husband.